believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
