I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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