I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize