I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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