Got a toothbrush?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
