For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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