You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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