There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize