you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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