I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Are my feet made of real feet?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
