He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
