hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I just googled if crying burns calories
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize