Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
