K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
