I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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