a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
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