I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
