your parents love me but you hate me
My nipple is on Facebook.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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