did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
