So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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