fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I have so many feelings about this burrito
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