you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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