I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
