I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
