you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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