can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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