why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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