Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
