I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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