If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
