I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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