I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
