it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
