i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
