He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
