I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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