Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Randomize
