Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
