Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
