I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
