I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
