If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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