At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
