About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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