there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
