The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
