I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
