I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize