I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Drunk is not a location!
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
