i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
