good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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