I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
