would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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