Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
tonight lets celebrate not being married
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
