I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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