one word: firstdatebathroomanal
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
