pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
