You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
