I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
