she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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