so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm too high and old for this...
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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