so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Someone signed my nipple.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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