I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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