I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
