Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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