I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
