Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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