i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize