The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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